Things my dad taught me Tacoma teacher Megan Qualls says the best lesson learned from her father is that children always come first Megan Qualls has many warm things to say about her father, Michael Cook: He’s supportive, generous, unconditionally loving. But what the 32-year-old Tacoma teacher has learned most – and is still learning – from her dad is to always put your children first.
“My father told me for as long as I can remember that to have children means to lose the right to be selfish,” wrote Qualls in her submission for the newspaper’s Fathers’ Day call to readers. “To have children means that they always come first.”
That generosity gave Qualls both a happy childhood and a settled adult life, her family surrounded by her father’s unselfish love.
Qualls grew up in Tacoma with her brother Chad, now 35. Her parents divorced when she was young, but they were both “very present. We had lots of little routines. Every single Wednesday, Dad would take us to the movies – I later found out that he would go without dinner to afford that. Then we’d stay with him every weekend. He’d take us to Grandma’s, and because of that, our cousins became as close as siblings. He was always there.”
He’s still putting kids first, says Qualls, visiting her and her brother’s families every Saturday, going golfing with Qualls and other family members every Sunday, and being there for his grandchildren.
Qualls also was inspired by how her father, who now assesses claims for Washington state risk management, overcame a difficult childhood to succeed in life.
“He is an inspiration to all. … He encouraged us to be whatever we wanted,” wrote Qualls. “He led by example, being the first in his family to go to college. For that reason, I am a teacher.”
Cook also is the kind of father who doesn’t hesitate to admit his mistakes and help his kids learn from their own – encouraging Qualls to study full-time rather than work, sharing why his marriage hadn’t worked. Even Qualls’ friends would come to him for advice.
Thanks to her dad, Qualls says, she has a happy marriage, an example for her own parenting, and a job she loves giving her dad’s inspiration to kids she teaches.
“I talk about my dad to my students, how they shouldn’t be embarrassed about lack of money, and how you can still make good choices,” she explains. “I stress what he taught me: to value people on character, not on what they own. My dad made me and my brother feel like we were the only thing he needed – having that support makes you feel like you can do anything. I want that for all kids.”
Cook echoes this. “It’s kind of corny, but [the most rewarding part of parenthood for me was] my children … watching them and helping them get to where they need to get to. They are so special.”
And Cook’s main piece of advice for fathers?
“Be interested in your kids – who they are and what they do at every stage. Sometimes you want to direct them, but you’ve got to let them go where they want to go. Even if you make mistakes, if you do it with love, you’ll be OK.”
As Qualls wrote: “(My dad) lives by example and does everything in his power to ensure that my brother and I are happy and secure in the knowledge that we are loved unconditionally. Now we both have our own children and I often wonder, am I putting my children first? Am I being the type of parent that Mike Cook is? I sure hope so.”
